The post in which I update nothing and so no one reads

[monstrousregiment]

I just feel like putting something forth, because I can't really explain to my sister how I feel.

I want a job. Like, I really want a job, something that I don't absolutely fucking hate (like the brief soul-death of the Call Center I was in like, 10 months and nearly killed msyelf). I can't get a job because the world economy is a mess, so i though I could work as an English teacher for a while. I don't--I don't hate it, but it doesn't make me happy, the money's not good at all, and it demands a lot of time. I'm not satisfied. It's not enough.

And this is the problem, here. I mean... why isn't it ever enough? I don't imagine myelf working in an office for the rest of my life... I want to be a writer, I want to be free to travel and live my life at my own rhythm. Is that insane? I'm sick of people dictating how I'm supposed to live my life. I graduated college because my parents insisted, and now that I have the degree, it's good for absolutely nothing. I kind of feel robbed, with that. Conned. Wasn't a degree supposed to fix everything? What did I waste 4 years of my life to be one of the top averages of my graduation class for?

I'm 24. 'I don't hate it' and 'it doesn't make me fucking miserable' shouldn't be sufficiently satisfying ways to describe my life. I feel cheated. I wish the world stopped giving everyone ideas of how the life of a young, successful professional woman should be, because hello: your ideas are skewed and mistaken.

I feel--cheated. By the world. In general.

Now what I wonder is whether my feeling of not being satisfied is just a passing bad moment that I'm currently stuck in, or just... you know, a general permament state of existence. I want to be happy one day, I want to, you know, stop a second randomly at some point of the day and be able to say 'life is good. Right now, right here, I'm happy.'.

That's not what I feel right now, and it worries me.

Comments

[nausicaa83.livejournal.com]

I guess everyone has those moments, especially when school is over. Up until then, it's a path you're put on when you're six, and you just follow it. It's your duty, kind of your job, and that's it.

Not to mention, we're living in very dark times, with the world economy crisis and all. So what you're feeling is completely reasonable, and you're not alone in this.

So, um, not really comforting, I know, but this is me saying "you're not alone, we're in this shit together! One day we'll look back at this, and be glad these times are over and in the past".

Not only that, but your writing is great, and I'm damn sure you're going to be a writer someday. *_____*

[monstrousreg.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I know, it's not just me, but how easy it is to lose perspective when you're stuck in a bad place.

On the one side I think, 'It's bad everywhere, the global economy is in shreds and tatters' and on the other hand I think 'people do get jobs though, so why not you?'. I know, rationally, there's nothing wrong with me--but still. *sigh*

Thank you *hugs* I wish I could believe that, but I don't know. I don;t even know how to get a break and actually publish something, and then when I do think of ways I keep thinking 'I'm not all that good, anyway'.

I feel like stoned pendulum, lol.

[mechasii.livejournal.com]

I get you, totally. I'm around your age, and still in college, which is getting to be really frustrating, considering most of my friends are already starting a career... but you know, I guess no matter what you do, there's always a period of time you have to pass through awful things in order to be able to get the kind of job and life you want.

You said you want to write? Write as much as you can, try to create something your proud of, and then try to get it published. I don't know much of the writing environment but from what I heard, it can be rough at the beginning but once you get your work out there, things can change. But you have to be tough, and if you get turned down, go to someone else, and if the same thing happens, go to another editor, and so on. No one will try to make it easy for you but if you really want it, you have to at least give it a try. Besides, you are already one hell of a writer, from what I've seen, you just need to get known because of something original of your own.

It's a bummer and the world can be a tough place sometimes, but, in my opinion at least, you can either just live your life thinking about all the things you hate, or you can choose to concentrate on the not so bad ones (friends, boy/girlfriends, family, pets, etc.) and try to make things work out for you.

I know it sucks but just hang in there, try your best and remember, you still got your whole life to live, your just 24!

Welcome to the club

[lady-egotuus.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel I was you in 2001. Then 9/11 happened and I had a job that was ok, then the company went out of business. I couldn't find a job, and went to graduate school. What ever you do... only go back to get a higher degree if you really want one. DO NOT get into more debt for another degree. I did that and I regret it. You should be happy, sometimes though it takes time.

I want for you , myself and others to be happy. You are talented, the doors will open for you.

[shaishda.livejournal.com]

I'm..actually the same, minus having the degree and job. I just..I've been trying to get a job anywhere, except for fast food places, and it's not..working. Because the economy is crap. And..really, I also just want to live life at my own pace, do what I want to do. I always thought "If I graduate college and get a degree I can get a job and earn money and be well off!" Yeah no. It didn't happen. And I doubt it would even if I had gone through all the way with college.
I just..It's. Like you said, the views are skewed, on top of the economy. It shouldn't be "Oh I'm not miserable, not happy, but not miserable", but "Yup. I'm happy with my life and everything is going good". I hate that..it's not like that. Hardly anyone seems happy with their job, they're always having money problems, and they can't do or go places that they want to. Honestly I've never been on a vacation, like an actual vacation where you go some place, like on a trip to Italy or to a beach, I've never ever been able to do that and I'm 20 now.

I just want to own a house that I can live in with my family, live in a nice little town with nice people, and relax, maybe have a garden and read fanfiction and draw and cook and bake and enjoy sunrises and sunsets, maybe visit another country now and then. fdjkls.
Society and economy why so terrible. jfdksl.

[singingduck2.livejournal.com]

I'm not good at comforting people, and I think my English isn't good enough so I could convey my feelings correctly, so I'll make this short and simple:

I'M HERE IF YOU NEED ME TO (and from what I've read here, other people are too). I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

[blackstarnebula.livejournal.com]

I'm a senior right now and about to enter the work force and this is what I'm afraid of. In fact you may be better off than me because you at least know what you want to do which is write. I'm a business student which means I'm likely to get a job even in this economy (but that may just be me being optimistic) but I'm not sure that the jobs I'm trying to get will even make happy. I don't hate it shouldn't be the scale on which I judge my job or my life.

You know what you're good at and passionate about; as a business student I say find a way, any way, to make that something marketable/profitable. Be creative and take risk. You only have one life to live, try to have fun with it. That's the advice I've been given by a lot of people and it's the one I hope I have the courage to take.

[davincis-girl.livejournal.com]

Hi, random stranger that came here for your x-men work and stayed because it's very, very interesting.

I was in the same position as you about 20 years ago. English degree, crap economy, with the absolute worst time to look for work in my chosen feild in forever. I languished in temp work and taking work that was completely outside my field, but when the economy picked up it did get better. When I had more work experience on my resume, it did get better. It was not easy and it was not fun, and it took a hell of a lot longer than I wanted it to, but I'm happy with my job now.

You have every right to feel the way you do. As long as you know it won't be a quick fix, go for what you want. It will take more effort for you than for a parent or sibling that came to the situation in different times. However, if you have the smarts to do that well in school and write like this, you can find a way to get where you want to go.